Tip 172: Talk back to a cop

If you ask the cop who pulls you over if he wishes he ever gets to do proper police work, if his kids are proud of him, and whether he's always been such a dick, do it in the knowledge you've not just kissed your chances of leniency good-bye, you've buried them in the concrete foundations of the big road project your fine will help fund.

BONUS TIP: If you're out on a lightly-trafficked by-way you may take some big bruises home as a reminder of the merits of having a big mouth.

“The cyclist appeared agitated at that time, your honour, and when he lunged at me I used the baton in the manner set out in my training to minimise the threat to my person.”

“Case dismissed. Complainant to pay the state's costs.”