Tip 165: Turn out the lights on a parked bike.

When you see the flashing lights parked on the street you can continue on your way, minding your own business.

Just like all the other solipsistic fuckers that are ripping the beating empathetic heart from this town and nibbling absent-mindedly on its slippery exterior.

Or you can reach in there among the brake cables and D-Locks and spider webs, feel around for the little on-off switch and push it.

If you do take the latter course, you will be full of grandiose feelings and warm thoughts about yourself for a surprisingly long period.

Do it more than once in one block and you'll conclude you are to charity what Russel Brand is to celebrity, and consider submitting yourself for an Order of Australia in next year's Australia Day honours list.

BONUS TIP: Everyone who sees you will conclude you are one of those yucky bike-fiddlers, and consider submitting your name to the cops.