Tip 111: Get your smug on

Pass a guy, who can't be more than 21, wearing a tie, in a BMW, stuck in traffic, and just try to not get your smug on.
You can't help it.  As you blast by his 318i the look of self-satisfaction spreads over your face like a "One Less Car sticker" spreads over the top tube of a second-hand Repco.

BONUS TIP: As they say, silent smugness is wasted smugness. But shouting at SUV drivers is déclassé and lecturing your friends is so undergraduate.
Express your smugness clearly but quietly - carry your helmet with you all day, leave your right pant leg rolled, or wear spit all over your shoulder and a big smile.

Tip 104: Give the bird

Compared to consigning your enemies to years of sensory deprivation broken up only by CIA officers doing weird stuff to their junk, giving someone the bird seems pretty mild as far as 21st century retribution goes. 
But - when given with a full arm motion - it is almost as satisfying as denying someone's rights.

BONUS TIP: If anyone in the cycling community has a secret service with or without aircraft, owns land in which the status of law is unclear, or is open to holding dangerous motorists in morally dubious circumstances please leave contact details below and we'll see if we can hook something up.

Tip 100: Get in the inside lane

Much like smoking cured banana peels, you have no idea if this is legal, but sometimes you have to do it anyway.
When traffic in the outside lane is an MC Escher clusterfuck of blundering taxis, death-crazed pedestrians and a learner driver ruining a reverse park, you crave the clean free asphalt of the inside lane.
You headcheck and go.  It's so nice! It's so familiar! But sneakily its dangerous and different.  You're out of your element. Traffic is passing you on the wrong side. Yipes. Like Marty McFly in the Back to the Future trilogy,  you've got to get back home, and you just need the right amount of speed to get you there.

BONUS TIP: The mad professor that will arrive in the nick of time save you from being crushed by a head-check-hating, SUV-piloting mother-of-two is in this case not Doc Emmett played by Christopher Lloyd.
It is you, and the conveniently timed burst of lightning that will power you home is gonna have to come out of those legs.

Tip 78: Get merged on.

In the big game of Quidditch that is urban cycling, Malfoy-esque motorists throw Harry Potter invisibility cloaks onto anything that doesn't have four wheels.
You might be the nimblest Seeker Hogwarts has ever seen, but when those big metal beaters we call cars unexpectedly join you in your lane, you will consider hopping off your broomstick.

BONUS TIP: When you catch the death-eating car driver at the next intersection, let loose with
a few of your most powerful curses.

Tip 71: Make a weird noise

When a taxi door swings out at you in traffic you probably imagine you'll say something sharp, like 'Watch out fuck head!' Or something clever, like 'Are you inviting me in?' as you narrowly sweep past.
Most likely though, you'll say 'aannnfgghrr' and ride away feeling like you just emulated a mating baboon.

BONUS TIP: Do not succumb to the temptation to elaborate the baboon impression. Do not throw faeces. Neither should you rub your swollen red behind on their passenger window at the next traffic light.

Tip 55: Overtake someone who is trying their heart out

They are on the road in front of you. They are getting closer quickly, but it's obvious they're trying. They are out of the saddle and their bottom is wobbling side to side like a dog wagging its tail.
Before long you're right on their wheel and you have to throw their feelings onto the train tracks and run over them like the locomotive you are. Make an excuse for them - maybe they're at the end of a very long ride?
Eyes straight ahead, you do it.

BONUS TIP: Shut your mouth as you pass to make it look like you're not even breathing hard.

Tip 51: Tangle with the law

You'll be neat and tidy as a pin,
helmet strap snug beneath your chin.
Cruising along the bicycle lane,
reflecting on Miguel Indurain.
When out of traffic shall arrive,
A police car to make you swerve and dive.
they'll clip your wheel, sirens wailing,
while you go flying with limbs flailing.

BONUS TIP: Pick yourself up, red and sore
Don't feel frightened to reproach the law.

Tip 50: Ride after your lights fail

Darkness is a primal fear of any animal who a) does not sit at the top of the food chain like a hungry Californian sits at the business end of a sushi train; b) is not nocturnal, eyeless, a mole or deep-sea creature.
When the double-As in your LEDs fail, you will be forced to confront that fear.
Ride on? Risking bunyip attack, accidental cross-country sections and the insouciant violence of those big, blind, mole-like creatures, the cars?
Or abandon all hope, dismount, and transform into a humble pedestrian?

BONUS TIP: There are those who do not fear the dark, do not shrink or cower, but use it for their own nefarious purposes - bike ninjas!

Tip 45: Struggle to get in your pedals

When there is nobody behind you, your pedal is the right way up and you clip in first time.
The number of full loop-the-loops your pedal will do before you get your foot in is directly proportional to the number of intimidating looking people behind you at the light.

BONUS TIP: You laugh at those on platform pedals, and they laugh right back, knowing any efficiency you thought you might gain through these devices is officially lost at every traffic light.

Tip 44: Get yelled at by a limo driver

"Get out of my lane, you dumb effing racial epithet!"  That's the line that will cut you like hot wire, and leave you composing stinging comebacks in your head for three days. Starting, of course, at the exact time the limo goes out of earshot.

BONUS TIP: In a million twisted revenge scenarios you will never consider this: that limo driver is stuck in traffic while you roam the city free.

Tip 38: Make a show of obeying the law

You're gonna stop at a light? Own it. 

Acceptable flourishes include the super-slow stop, the look-around, the impeccable posture, and the excessively careful acceleration. Don't waste this chance to show the world cyclists are citizens, upright and true.

BONUS TIP: *Tsk*ing at anyone else you see bombing that intersection is acceptable, but yelling has greater effect.  

Tip 29: Stop in front of someone who's stopped in front of someone

Who are these douche-bags? Is that a dutch bike?  Look at that guy's fringe! 
I reckon I can take him when this light turns green.  
I'll just stop here in front of the pedestrian crossing so I can take off first. 
etc. etc. ad infinitum.

BONUS TIP: Fundamentalists may get away with this manoeuvre on the basis that the reverse line-up, or shoal formation, is condoned in Scripture. 

 But many who are first will be last, and the last first. - Matthew 19:27-30

Even if you have the fish sticker on your bike, you will need to possess pretty sharp acceleration to receive forgiveness for this act.

Tip 28: Stop in front of someone

Who's this douche-bag? Is that a dutch bike?  With flat tires? 
I reckon I can take him when this light turns green.  
I'll just stop here in the pedestrian crossing so I can take off first. 
Now, let me check my facebook.  What? No new notifications?  Maybe I'd be more popular if I got a new bike? Would that make a difference? It's probably my haircut.
Maybe I'll post about getting rid of this fringe. Could I go for a an undercut? maybe a mohawk, or would that look silly with this moustache? 
Wha? 
Why is the douche-bag overtaking me?  
Oh ... green light ... 

BONUS TIP: Ignore the death-stare when you stop in front of him at the next intersection.

Tip 13: Smack bad cars

Like you are a repressed English public schoolmaster and they are your delinquent pupils.

BONUS TIP:  There will not be detention for profanity.  Cut loose.