Forget the effect on your slinky silhouette, you can't leave those Knogs on the bike.
You're going to have to put them in your pockets or they'll be gone before you're down the block. Jam them in there with your phone and wallet, and if it looks like your pants have the mumps, so be it
BONUS TIP: If they accidentally turn on later when you're on the dance-floor, it will look like there's a whole other disco going on in your pants. Can that be a bad thing?
Showing posts with label cockpit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cockpit. Show all posts
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Tip 50: Ride after your lights fail
Darkness is a primal fear of any animal who a) does not sit at the top of the food chain like a hungry Californian sits at the business end of a sushi train; b) is not nocturnal, eyeless, a mole or deep-sea creature.
When the double-As in your LEDs fail, you will be forced to confront that fear.
Ride on? Risking bunyip attack, accidental cross-country sections and the insouciant violence of those big, blind, mole-like creatures, the cars?
Or abandon all hope, dismount, and transform into a humble pedestrian?
BONUS TIP: There are those who do not fear the dark, do not shrink or cower, but use it for their own nefarious purposes - bike ninjas!
When the double-As in your LEDs fail, you will be forced to confront that fear.
Ride on? Risking bunyip attack, accidental cross-country sections and the insouciant violence of those big, blind, mole-like creatures, the cars?
Or abandon all hope, dismount, and transform into a humble pedestrian?
BONUS TIP: There are those who do not fear the dark, do not shrink or cower, but use it for their own nefarious purposes - bike ninjas!
Thursday, 7 July 2011
Tip 12: Mount your bell and lights on the bottom of your handlebars
Global overpopulation is the inevitable endgame of this species, Homo Sapiens Sapiens. A species so wise it invented redundancy. Real estate grows scarcer, and it seems ever less likely the innovation-bots at a thousand Googles could save us from the impending Malthusian crush.
You can help. There's real estate out there just waiting to be claimed. Take your bell, your light and your trip computer, and flip 'em.
Magic. All that space you never knew you had, right there on the most crowded part of your bike. Sprawl all over that newly exposed bar tape like a new suburb consuming subdivided farmland. Luxuriate a liitle.
You can even try out new hand positions. Narrow accentuates the cleavage, while the off-symmetrical tweaks those neck muscles ruined playing too much angry birds.
BONUS TIP: Plant your hands extra wide and feel the rushing air dry your armpits before you arrive in the office.
You can help. There's real estate out there just waiting to be claimed. Take your bell, your light and your trip computer, and flip 'em.
Magic. All that space you never knew you had, right there on the most crowded part of your bike. Sprawl all over that newly exposed bar tape like a new suburb consuming subdivided farmland. Luxuriate a liitle.
You can even try out new hand positions. Narrow accentuates the cleavage, while the off-symmetrical tweaks those neck muscles ruined playing too much angry birds.
BONUS TIP: Plant your hands extra wide and feel the rushing air dry your armpits before you arrive in the office.
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