Tip 112: Divide people into "tribes"

Plucked, vacant leg follicles?  file under R for Roadie
Ankle in the gap between the rolled up chinos and the brogues, where sock ought to be? File under H for Hipster.
Strappy high heels and calf tone to spare? Under C for cyle chicstress.
Filthy Vans and vast expanses of visible boxer short? B for BMX bandit.
A grown man riding a second hand mountain bike in workman's clothes? Look away.

BONUS TIP: Send your boy for another gin and tonic while you work on your treatise - a complete anthropology of cycling tribes, coming out under Pith Helmet Publishing this spring.