Tip 59: Have your bike stolen

If your love is taken from you too soon - in the phase where you lock up both wheels and fall asleep with it in your arms- when you return to the lamp post and find your D-lock in twain you are likely to fill a page with florid despairing verse and fling yourself from the roof of a Ray's Bikes outlet.
Later, you pass full days without even thinking about the machine you swore devotion to. At this stage, if the shadow-dwelling hacksaw man absconds with your ride, you won't be half way through the cab trip home before thinking about what you'll replace it with.

BONUS TIP: Tell yourself you'll buy a cheap commuter you can afford to have taken. Once in the bike shop, you'll wonder if you can afford not to get a SRAM red set up.