Tip 138: Get a pimple.

Riding a bike is like making your pores in-sink-erators. 
They're going to gobble up not just sweat, but road rubber, pollen, asphalt grime, mosquito shit, big fat nitrogen molecules and drops of acid rain.
It's no surprise sometimes your face revolts, loading gallons of gooey pus into its pimple cannon, ready to erupt like Krakatoa, darkening the skies, cooling the earth, poisoning millions of creatures and generating weeks of dramatic sunsets far and wide.

BONUS TIP: The more you ride, the further and faster you go, the more zits.  Wear 'em with pride. Its the poor man's Strava.