Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Tip 184: Shoulder your weapon.

Maybe it's a gutter, maybe its a landslide caused by persistent shelling of a hillside by hostile forces - sometimes on uneven ground you got to get off your bike.
You can push it like a sissy, or you can lift it.
Now, pushing it like a sissy is fine – great even – if you have the word sissy tattooed all over your face. In comic sans.
Lifting is where you prove that you've got the guns, and/or that you bought a bike as light as the finest macaroon.

BONUS TIP: Don't hoist it like a mate had fifteen beers with you then asked you to help move a couch.
Raise it like a Marine hoists the body of his brothers killed in combat in another meaningless war: crisply, reverently. And with a growing hatred for authority. A hatred that will incubate a slow burning desire to never own another machine that burns the oil his comrades died protecting, to grow a beard, move to San Francisco, stop voting, get some tattoos and ride everywhere.

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