Thursday, 9 February 2012

Tip 180: Get your cables hooked around someone's handlebars when you park near them.

Pull your bike.
It's stuck somehow.
Pull harder.
It's still stuck.
Stupid ...fucking... ngh... maybe if I jiggle it
Are my pedals stuck in their spokes? No? Is my bike still locked? No? THEN WHY CAN”T I FUCKING MOVE IT?
WhY! ngh WON'T! ngh YOU! Ngh FUCKING! Ngh GET OUT OF THERE ngh nnngh nngh!?!?
OH! OH! It's those mother blasted cables!
I swear to god I disown my own fucking viscera if I am not gong to get this satan-worshipping shit-spawn machine unhooked off this stupid useless bastard's piece of shit bike.... Aaaand, there you go. phew.

BONUS TIP: To help calm yourself, once the bike is free saw off their handlebars, set fire to your bike, blow up the bike loop that started the whole conflagration then blow off your own head.

1 comment:

  1. Single speed. Aero brake levers.

    Any cable problems are unlikely to be caused by my cables.

    So I can just cut whatever is snagging me.

    Problem sorted.