Tip 109: The Farmers' Market Pumpkin Emergency

Low-milage vegetables sing a siren song to the inner-urban 30-plus hipster - much like the bottom shelf of the boxed wine section cajoled their early-20s selves.
Arriving by car is a shameful act of bourgeosieism, even if it is a Subaru with cyclocross stickers / high-credibility carbon fibre product perched on it. Go by two wheels.
Remember this, however: root vegetables are peril.  Load a bunch of local carrots, spuds and a biodynamic pumpkin into your pannier, and when you cross the Elizabeth St tram tracks you're gonna hear a noise that means you've popped a screw out of your rear rack and snapped a swag of spokes.

BONUS TIP: Tweet the following: "Attack of the killer potatoes! locavorism ruined my bike!  :| "
Then hit the net to buy replacement components made in Taiwan, branded in New York, packaged in plastic and shipped by air. You don't need to tweet that.

Tip 97: Pump up your tyres at the servo.

Too prudish for the licentious actions of the hand pump?
Get your tyre food down at the service station.
Be careful though.
Like the buffet at Sizzler, it's hard to know when to stop and you could easily pop, spraying all the other diners with dubious lasagne and high-fat soft-serve.

BONUS TIP: With the passing of peak oil will come the passing of peak smugness, as cyclists stop cheering the demise of Shell, Exxon-Mobil, et al, and wearily face a future with a lot of hand-pumping.

Tip 49: Go Somewhere!

Sometimes you're riding to keep your quads toned. Sometimes you want to make the air rush across your face-skin.  Sometimes you're burning off a half pack of caramel Tim Tams that you DID NOT EVEN enjoy eating.
Sometimes you're burning through the hilpster ghetto trying to make the girls with tattoos notice you. (Maybe they'll get your name tattooed on them?)  {RDNG TIPS}
But sometimes you're after spatial displacement; sometimes the things and people you need are far from here; sometimes you have to surrender to the geographical economics of your city and just fucking eat up the miles. Revel in it.

 BONUS TIP: Don't lie to yourself about the Tim Tams.

Tip 47: Grow fat

Spend plenty of time wondering why cycling doesn't make you thin.
Chew over that question while slathering four slices of toast with peanut butter before you roll 25 minutes into the office.
Stew on the dilemma while loading your bidons with powerade.
Ruminate on the paradox while rewarding yourself with a big pasta lunch. Add parmesan - it's high in protein!

BONUS TIP: Want a good way to know if your pedalling technique has a sufficiently powerful upstroke? You're doing it right if your quadricep makes contact with your spare tire with sufficient force to make an audible "blubbery-jubbery" noise.