Tip 84: Ride without fenders

Get a clean lean look on your ride and a back-end bespangled with mud-sequins, all in one fluid motion. 

BONUS TIP: Coincidentally, that brown stripe up your back will look a little like a fluid motion. As though you squirm through the sewers like a Ninja Turtle. That would be athletic, even daring. But is it Cycle-Chic?

Tip 73: Ride through a head-wind

If your ride to work feels like slow-motion, it sometimes isn't the sisyphean nature of the day ahead holding you back.
The head-wind you face need not be the prospect of filling spreadsheet cells A1 to Z99 and determining the matrix product of the array, but a literal one caused by the coordinated relocation of large number of gas molecules.

BONUS TIP: Relish the opportunity to ride right through the middle of a big fucking metaphor.  On the way home you will have the wind at your back, but if the road rises up to meet you - on a bike - you've screwed up.

Tip 58: High visibilty vest

I'm a dork. I'm a big fat dork.

BONUS TIP: Dorky dork dork dork.

Tip 42: Get mud up your back

It's the tramp stamp of 2011.

BONUS TIP: But it washes off in time for 2012.  Fenders are going to rock 2012 so hard 2012 will be in a rocking chair by the time 2013 comes around.

Tip 17: Get Gloves

Scene: You, hands in pockets, waiting at lights on a Very Frosty morning.

Fully Kitted Middle-Aged Man who rolls up behind you: Cold hands eh?

You: Hm?

FKMAM: I see you have cold hands!

Y: Oh. Yeah. It is a bit cold!

FKMAM: I don't know how you do it without gloves!

Y: I've been meaning to get some. Mumble.

FKMAM: I ride so much, I've got three pairs, thin, medium and these ones.  I look out the window each morning and decide which ones to wear.

Y: Really?

FKMAM: It's also good if you fall off cause otherwise you'll take all the skin off your palms.

Y: Oh yes.

FKMAM: You should get some.

Y: Sure.

FKMAM: Promise me you really will.  It sounds like you're just saying you will.

Y: *watching desperately for light to change*  OK, OK!

BONUS TIP:  You are going try to burn off FKMAM when the light goes green. Do not fall. Your pride can't take it.