Tip 74: Get stupid

Riding a bike can be just like drinking liquor.
You feel amazing, right up until you do something you regret. Something you would never do.
A dangerous affair involving a  police car, a pile of traffic cones and a girl you just met while lying in the gutter. Something that makes you wake up with a dry mouth, a sick feeling and a hungry guilt monster gnawing at your viscera.

BONUS TIP: Make some pledges you'll never be able to keep:
"I'll never go that fast again."
"I'm gonna wear a helmet, every time."
"I think it's time for a high visibility vest."

Tip 72 : Stand for speed bumps

The genetics of the human race are imperilled.
iPhones, powerlines and those glow in the dark stars nine-year-old you stuck all over your bedroom have filled our living environment with enough radiation to have us all riding recumbents within a generation.
You're not going to wear lead undies, but there is one thing you can do to preserve the integrity of your gametes: protect them from impact by standing for speed bumps. 
This is especially true if you prefer boxer shorts or go commando.

BONUS TIP: Grab some mad air as you go over the speed bump, and if there are any suitable parties observing, you may just increase your chances of passing on those genes.

Tip 32: See some colleagues naked

Capitalism's hidden heart is a reliance on humans' love for one another.

It is non-market transactions, internal to the firm, that dominate the economy.

This is where cycling fits into capitalism's cunning plan. When you get a daily eyeful of your colleagues' junk in the change rooms at work, a certain bond is forged. 

As it revulses, it creates a lattice of understanding and teamwork that strengthens the corporate behemoths.

BONUS TIP: When getting dressed, for the love of god, put your underpants on first. Why fuss over your windsor knot before you've even clad your nuts?

Tip 16: Commando at work

Commuting logistics are hard. It involve a perplexing garment management challenge that would send super-computers convulsing into a blue screen of death.
The humble cycling brain must relinquish the quest for perfection and be satisfied with a better than average chance of arriving at work and finding a clean ironed shirt in the locker.
Forgive the addled pedaller, also trying to remember phone, wallet, keys, pass, a spare tube and lunch.  If the sweaty pair of cotton Bonds you wore on the ride in are the only undies you have, then be decisive.
Making a presentation at the morning meeting without jocks is as close a thrill as many will get to an illicit workplace affair.

Bonus tip: Check your fly.