Tip 110: Ring your bell at a pedestrian.

Don't ask why the pedestrian effects a startled pirouette that takes up more path-space when the bell is rung. It's just the way it is: like rain on your wedding day, or a free ride, when you've already paid.

BONUS TIP: Beneath an experienced thumb, the bell can be rung at exactly the right distance to ensure the pedestrian's turn coincides exactly with a handlebar to the genitals and a crumpler bag into the visage. If there's not a YouTube channel for this yet, there ought to be.

Tip 93: Ride to work day

It turns out you will enjoy the proliferation of bemused noobs, the silly outfits, even the bike traffic jams.
But you will have to endure your personal passion becoming the kind of fleeting obsession Justin Bieber should have been.

BONUS TIP: So how does it feel when you carved out a tiny cave and now everyone wants to visit it?

Well, there's the honey taste of vindication, mixed with bitter yearning for the space you used to have. Like a suitcase full of soup and another one of gelati, those flavours are hard to hold onto both at once.

Special Bonus Cadel's Mum picture!

Cadel's mum Helen  rides 20km to work and is a total bike hero in this town.

Tip 83: Spit on yourself

The biology of saliva, phlegm and snot is clear to cyclists: Cycling makes them happen. (Tips et al, Nature, Vol 12, pp.1264-1289, 2011)
The physics are a whole nother matter. Generations of cyclists remain mystified by why - when you spit out into all that fast moving air - it is so rarely whisked away, and so often splattered all over you.

BONUS TIP: The sociology of phlegm splatter could be a whole journal.
When you stop to buy coffee and don't know you have spit all over you, it's ok. Post-ride, when you realise you have been riding for team snot-rocket, emotion surges through you.

Tip 24: Comment on BikeSnob

You've perused the back catalogue and you read religiously.
You know a collabo from a colourway and were recently delighted to learn how hipsters are just mulch.  You venerate the man and his helper monkey, Vito.
It's time to step up and comment. If you're Pacific-Occidental, like this blog, the only way to compete for a podium position is to be up and on the internet at some weird time.  Even then, without a sharp trigger finger, you could easily be squeezed off the top ten.
No. For you, a well considered comment in the top 50 is the goal. Rake through the pile of leaves in your brain, looking for a thought not yet withered and autumnal. Add snark, and set to!

Bonus Tip: The true goal is to make it into a post.  Try taking a video of a hipster beating on a cop whose car is blocking a bike lane.