Tip 118: Be a paragon of virtue

Never ever overtake on the left.  Signal each manouevre.  Announce you're passing.  Pump your tires.  Shoal nobody. Look both ways at cross streets even when you have right of way. Stop to help people with punctures.
Inspire your fellow riders to exalted displays of refined behaviour with a messianic display of flawlessness. Never rest.

BONUS TIP: If you collect a bunch of 12 guys you love to ride with, and they take your word as gospel, and then you all go out for one last supper, and one of them gives you a kiss, it would be safe to be worried about your immediate future.

Tip 106: Wimp out

Others ride, you drive. You cruise the roads with your elbow in the air, singing the Beach Boys and making those harmonies ring. Your hair is like a sculpture by Damien Hirst, your armpits are as dry as the surface of the moon, and you draw people's eye as you meander here and there in the chinos everyone will be wearing next season.
You feel electric that night and have literally the best bowl of muesli ever next morning. 

BONUS TIP: Each time everyone sits around to reminisce about the time they rode out to Upper Fieldton you will fall silent, stare into your beer stein, espresso cup or bidon. Your jaw will slacken and your posture will droop and as they laugh you will feel the pealing regret of a life half-lived.

Tip 10: Ride in a pack

The group ride is back. Bunch up like a pair of target undies and get out there.
You're like a fish in a school, like a duck in a flying V. 
 Unless you're some sort of book-reading libertarian or bearded librarian, the presence of your fellow humans will fill you with something. Something we've almost forgotten in this world of morning meetings, double monitors and Swiss-made swivel chairs  - emotion. 
The primordial soup that makes up your brain will release a feeling like a caveman pursuing a buffalo alongside his grimy, hairy cousins, and you may let loose a roar.

BONUS TIP: Once you've built up a bit of speed, endless LOLs can be obtained by gently rubbing your front tire on your peleton-mate's rear tire.