Tip 83: Spit on yourself

The biology of saliva, phlegm and snot is clear to cyclists: Cycling makes them happen. (Tips et al, Nature, Vol 12, pp.1264-1289, 2011)
The physics are a whole nother matter. Generations of cyclists remain mystified by why - when you spit out into all that fast moving air - it is so rarely whisked away, and so often splattered all over you.

BONUS TIP: The sociology of phlegm splatter could be a whole journal.
When you stop to buy coffee and don't know you have spit all over you, it's ok. Post-ride, when you realise you have been riding for team snot-rocket, emotion surges through you.

Tip 82 : stop and help

If you see someone up to their armpits in chain grease and confusion, be a good samaritan.

Did you know the Samaritan were a detested underclass? Social outcasts out of the era, expected to be no good ( just like the modern hipster).

BONUS TIP: That's why it's so amazing the Good Samaritan stopped to help that guy carry his cross that day. The good samaritan put the cross in his pannier, and dinked Jesus all along the road to Damascus. Jesus forgave the awful pedalling technique, and they snacked on loaves and fishes, at their last supper together.  Later they parted ways forever. although the Good Samaritan was sure he saw him again on the road three days later.