Tip 89: Swallow a fly

Good vegans ride round with their mouths shut, but the rest are in danger of swallowing a fly at some point. 
When it happens - gag, cough, spit - remember the green goo in the middle of a fly is 100 per cent protein. If you forgot to pack your energy bars, scooping up a juicy blowfly could power you up the next hill.

BONUS TIP: Try not to get obsessed with finding a spider to swallow next. Who knows where that might end.  

Tip 88: Change into your easiest gear

Putting it in the granny gear on a hill is like visting a dangerous third world city and spending the day in your five-star hotel room.
It's easy! It's pleasant! So stress free! I feel like I'm wasting my life!

BONUS TIP: Many of God's lightning bolts are aimed at lower-end Shimano derailleurs, at the moment the user goes to shift back up. 
The unfortunate mortal is then stuck riding around town with their legs spinning like a Hanna-Barbera cartoon character just before they shoot off in a cloud of dust.