Tip 87: Ride with no hands

A few things your 14 year old self was proficient at adult you cannot do.
Eating whole packets of skittles is one of them, as is wagging class and having faith in the political system.
In this illustrious company is riding with no hands.
14-year old you depended on this daring display to compensate for the total absence of other ways to impress the opposite sex, as well as to facilitate eating skittles while riding.
The adult cyclist clings to the bars like their jobs, superannuation and home-owning aspirations depend on it.

BONUS TIP: No hands riding is like baking a diamond into your Christmas pudding. You might break a tooth, but you'll feel so much richer.

Tip 86: Misspell brakes

They call me
I-before E-Z
I put the rap into
orthography
Driving slow
through eBay descriptions
Spraying my Uzi
at faulty inscriptions
Fool tries to write BRAKES,
types BREAKS instead
If I'm around he'll soon be dead
Hipster, set me up
with a personal ring tone
Cause I'm calling you
on your homophone
You're about to be shown
into the twilight zone
to make you atone
for your lexicon(e).

BONUS TIP: Album dropping soon through Pedal/Peddle Records.