Tip 107: Pedal squares

Regular quadrilaterals got a bad name until concerned hipsters mounted a thankless campaign to rehabilitate their image: sporting square-frame spectacles; rocking checked shirts; and promoting suffocating conformity.
Newly endorsed by the cool set, your defective pedalling technique will no longer be a source of derisive glances, but of seething envy.

BONUS TIP: When everyone's buying up John Lennon glasses and tie dye, you will know it is time to research  how to "introduce power tangentially to your pedal action." Until then, just have the phrase on hand so you are ready to appear avant-garde.

Tip 106: Wimp out

Others ride, you drive. You cruise the roads with your elbow in the air, singing the Beach Boys and making those harmonies ring. Your hair is like a sculpture by Damien Hirst, your armpits are as dry as the surface of the moon, and you draw people's eye as you meander here and there in the chinos everyone will be wearing next season.
You feel electric that night and have literally the best bowl of muesli ever next morning. 

BONUS TIP: Each time everyone sits around to reminisce about the time they rode out to Upper Fieldton you will fall silent, stare into your beer stein, espresso cup or bidon. Your jaw will slacken and your posture will droop and as they laugh you will feel the pealing regret of a life half-lived.