Monday, 26 December 2011

Holiday schedule

The corporation behind the holding company to which Urban Riding Tips belongs have yielded to threats I will expose the nefariousness and moral bankruptcy of their other operations, and granted me a week's leave (without pay).  Posting will resume on 2 January.
Thanks for reading, and remember, if you ride over the break, ride fast and ride safe.

Friday, 23 December 2011

Tip 148: Fall off while swinging your bike side to side

When you get out of the saddle, you move the bike left and right to put more oomph into those pedals.
It feels like a performance enchancing drug.
Like any drug, your body builds up a tolerance, however, and in your thirst to dominate the uphills, you keep dialling up the dose.
Until one day, in your drug-addled desire to beat a 1974 Volkswagen Beetle up a medium sized incline, you throw those handebars left and right so hard the bike no longer has contact with the ground.
Now you're on the Roulette wheel.
If the ball lands on Black you fall out - towards the kerb.
If the ball lands on Red you fall in - towards the danger zone of this pre-ABS car's approaching front bumper.

BONUS TIP: As it turns out, sprawling in the road in front of a 1970s car going uphill is no more dangerous than sunning yourself in your backyard.
You can stand up, dust yourself off, retrieve your bike and signal to the driver, well before they have a chance to turn that Charles Manson glint in their eye into bone crushing, blood-spurting reality.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Tip 147: HTFU

If it rains: ride.
If it doesn't rain: find a big puddle and smash right through it.

If the road are icy: ride.
If it's not icy: ride on the tram tracks, (for bonus points, you can show off your "look mum no hands").

If the traffic is terrible: ride.
If there's not enough cars, start flipping the bird and hurling abuse at the few you do see.